19 September 2016

The recovery

How come when your pregnant everyone fires advice at you (wanted and unwanted of course) about how your going to feel when you have a baby, what you should do in labour bla bla bla but no one, not even the midwifes tell you about what happens afterwards. After giving birth your left to get on with things and this I was not prepared for. 

I've just pushed a new life out of my body and I was in no way physically or mentally prepared to deal with what was to come. I had seen other mums on Facebook going out for lunch and nights out a few weeks later. That wasn't in my plan anyway but I thought I was at least going to be able to get around the house? My perception was that if you had a c-section then you have to take it very slow for the first 6 weeks. I hadn't had a section so I would be fine? NO.

After the momentous labour I was lying in the hospital bed staring at my little baby whilst completely numb. I had been packed full of so many drugs my body took a full day to get some feeling back. Moving my legs or getting up wasn't an option, which meant relying on everyone else and all the midwifes (who were amazing by the way)

Once the numbness wore off that's when it hit. Oh god I was in so much pain. I had a catheter in as well as feeling like I was stitched up to my ears. The only way I was getting home is to have the catheter removed and to do my first pee. It was horrendous. You have to pee into one of they sick bowl look a like things so you can prove to them you've peed over a certain amount. No one told me this. 

The blood. You bleed a lot and everywhere. It's not pretty and it's quite shocking the quantity but a small human did just exit you so I guess it's fine. I had to heavily rely on medication afterwards, as one set of tablets started to wear off I started to panic. I would desperately wait on the midwifes coming round with my next dose as no way I could wait a minute longer feeling like I couldn't move my legs incase everything ripped apart.

After a good few days in hospital I finally got the all clear to go. I wasn't rushing home as I really needed the help and I felt like I was struggling. Another mum had commented asking if I had a section just from the way I was moving about which I thought was odd. 

I get home and everyone explained to me that you've just had a baby so it's going to take you some time to get around again. Except I was struggling to even lift my baby but kept telling myself this is normal. The medication was high and god forbid I missed a dose. I wouldn't say the baby blues hit but I did feel upset sometimes. I only felt upset because I felt frustrated. I wanted to lift my baby and to change him and cuddle with him but I didn't feel in control of my body and that was difficult. 

As the days went on I felt worse and I couldn't sit down or move to much. Getting upstairs took forever and lowering myself onto the toilet was even worse. It wasn't until I was doing a pee which you really have to build up all the courage in the world to do! I got this very sharp and painful pain through my stitches I let out a loud scream and my mum came running. A doctor came to the house 10 mins later and after touching my hips etc she explained I had got an infection. 

I thought it was weird how weeks were going by and I was getting worse not better. It explained why I could hardly move and getting out of bed to sit up was a task never mind leaving the house for lunch. She upped my meds and slowly but surely I started to feel better. I really needed that full 6 weeks recovery time. I had a pre conceived idea that after you have a baby all your lady bits go to shit. That's what folk say right? That's not the case or I was really lucky. I've been through hell and back but actually your body is full of surprises so don't worry too much. I felt a lot of pressure because I seen so many other mums getting on with things but we must remember we have just gave birth it's putting your body through hell so we need to let ourselves heal. I didn't have much choice in the matter. 

This meant the first 2 months were a bit of a blur for me. From normal recovery to being ill and breastfeeding then my partner was away from the start it wasn't the easiest. However as time goes on you get stronger and you learn every day about yourself, yourself as a parent and how to care for this little magical person you created. It does get easier but the challenges change. Previous frustrations turn into new frustrations but you adapt together and you get better. It's a journey that's for sure.

All I will say. I don't wish post labour poop on my worst enemy. It's actually tragic and if I even remotely told you the details you'll never look at me the same. 

Use protection kids. Loves ya xox

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