11 September 2016

The birth..

Due date - 27/03/2016
Born - 24/03/2016

It all began on the 21st March 2016. My day was pretty normal hobbling about the house tidying, cleaning and eating. In the evening I noticed he wasn't moving as much and I soon realised he had been quiet all day. After a quick text with my mum I decided to phone the hospital. I had reduced movements at 28 weeks so I knew the process already. At 39 weeks the midwife asked me to come along straight away. To be honest I fully expected to go and get hooked up to the heart rate monitor, get a scan and see that my little boo was fine. Which he was and they asked me to come back in the following day (Tuesday) to get re scanned just to check everything was fine. 

22nd March (Tuesday) 
Off I went to the hospital and I was to be scanned first which I was nervous about just in case there was something wrong but also excited to see my babe. The lady who carried it out was nothing short of rude. I asked her if everything was looking ok to which she replied 'oh your fluid is low' saying that to a nervous heavily pregnant - about to pop gal made me wince. Sorry what does that mean? She went on to say the fluid around the baby should be 8 something (no idea) and your fluid is about a 4. Ok ok so what happens next? She said she will have to consult with a doctor and to wait in the waiting area. Whilst waiting I decided to google it. I know I know. Anyway Google tells me fluid under 4 something (again dunno) you'll need to be induced. Wait wait I don't know what induced means. I've read everything I possibly could on giving birth and I don't know what being induced means!!!? All I know from what other people have said is..it's much worse. FAB.

I go through to the observation ward and get hooked up to more monitors. The midwife at this point was lovely she was super chatty and told my mum to go fetch me some snacks. I felt fine at this point but I think she was trying to calm me as if she wasn't wanting to worry me with what she was about to say. She went away to speak with another doctor and as she came back she whipped open the curtains as quick as you would open that new delivery from Zara with a big smile on her face SO WILL WE JUST INDUCE YOU TOMORROW? Sorry you what? What the fuck does that mean? Wait wait. I slowly felt the blood drain from head and I felt so sick. She went on to give me a leaflet explaining what happens and I looked at my mum with all the fear in the world. She explained that because of the reduced fluid and reduced movements that they are best just getting him out as soon as they can. That was it. Tomorrow, tomorrow I'm having my baby. I'm not ready. I can't do it and I don't want to do it. I left the hospital feeling very quiet and I went off to have my last supper with my mum. (eat all the pizza it was amazing)

23rd March (Wednesday) 
Baby daddy and I woke up and we were very quiet. We took some pre hospital pics on the Polaroid and got ready. It's funny because for 9 months you are dead set on your due date any other date can really throw you off and that's exactly what happened with us. We got all ready and decided our last lunch would be of course at McDonald's so I could order 101 things off the menu cause GOD KNOWS when I'll ever be able to eat again. On the way to the hospital the radio decided to play us 'everything's gonna be alright' as we nervously smiled at each other. We get into the hospital I get a bed and that's us. A midwife tells us she's going to put something in me that resembles a tampon and that's going to trick my body into thinking its in labour. YAY. I still have no idea what was about to happen. She also explained that it can be quite a long process so it might be a couple days before he's here. WAIT so my baby isn't coming today? Anyway obviously I wasn't the norm and it didn't take ages. After a couple hours I felt myself going into labour and it suddenly just accelerated to what felt like torture. Bare in mind I was in the inducing room which is basically loads of preggo girls hopeing to go into full blown labour. Just down the hall way from mamas who have just had their babies. There I was on all fours screaming at my mum and baby daddy to rub my back and time my contractions. It got to the point where I wasn't getting a break between contractions at all so I basically wanted to die at this point. Finally after a few hours a midwife checked me which (was agony by the way) only to tell me I wasn't even in labour yet. Are they fucking shitting me? What do you mean I'm not in labour? I'm screaming the place down??? They said it looks as if it's overstimulated my body or something to that effect and they are taking the small hell like device out my body to let me settle again and they will try again later. After half an hour I'll go back to normal because it's out of me. Or so they said. Can I just add at this point they only could give me paracetamol. I was on all fours and PARACETAMOL was doing sweet fuck all. 

Another 2 hours passed and I was getting worse the contractions were coming in fast and I was getting tired. I thought they said it would settle down since it's not in my body? The opposite was happening surely I was now going into labour? The next shift of midwifes came in and obviously I got landed with a total cow. She told my mum and baby daddy to leave at 9pm as I wasn't in labour yet and the other gals had to sleep. Which the latter is fair enough but at this point I was seriously struggling, crying my eyes out and I needed the support around me. Again they got told to leave and I felt like my world had collapsed. The pain was something else and to think I was going to have to go through this by myself was worse. They left and I begged the midwife to check me again as every minute that went by I was screaming in pain. She told me to go have a bath and try get some sleep. I couldn't even speak never mind get some sleep. I went in the bath by myself and screamed for 3 hours. BY MYSEF because you know I wasn't in labour. She came in to check on me ONCE to which I pleaded with her if there was any medication she could give me to help. She said because I'm not in labour - no and to try relax. To give you an idea I sat in this heavily lit room which looked like shit, in a bath that would drain away every couple of minutes. It was hell. I have no idea how I found the strength to pull my 3 stone heavier self out of it and shift along the ward. I caught sight of the dickhead woman and told her how I feel like I have some discharge or water coming from me to which she told me it was 'probably lube from checking you earlier' which was 5 hours previous. Okayyyyyyy. In the middle of the hall with my waters starting to go I begged her to check me and to see if I was in labour. I knew I was and had been for a few hours. She said she would check me about 3am once she had her lunch, after that I lost all hope. FUCKING LUNCH. I was exhausted and I just wanted to jump out the window. I tried to lie down but I couldn't keep still I kept feeling like he was coming. Thank god for the angel who was next to me. Another mama who was actually in labour got up and helped rub my back whilst she was hooked up to her tens machine. I went on to being heavily sick and I couldn't stop. The other mama pressed the emergency button and in ran a young midwife who I felt like saved me at that point.  She took one look at me and said hmm let me ask a doctor. Once she was back she went on to check me as the other mama and I were praying my cervix had opened and I was in labour. The midwife who went on to shout OH GOD I can see the head your 3cm. The relief washed over me like that feeling when you walk off the plane on your holidays. I KNEW IT. 

24th March (Thursday) 2.30am
I quickly phoned my mum and baby daddy screaming (ovbs) IM IN LABOUR COME QUICK. I get in the wheelchair down to the labour suite and that's when it really got going I was greeted to them both waiting on me (they drove 1000mph) The midwife who met us was just the best she was so amazing and exactly what I needed after the day from hell. The first thing I asked was 'please can I get something to help me' she goes 'Aye hen of course what you after' it was like fucking music to my ears. EPIDURAL PLEASE NOW THANKS. Any mamas who have done it without pain relief actual holy shit. After over 10 hours of no help and my body going into overdrive I needed anything and that was the answer. The temperature in the room was 25 degrees so it was pretty hot. However whilst I was mid massive needle going into my spine my mum suddenly feels faint and had to leave the room to pull her self together. At this point I was going to lose my shit how dare she leave me. Poor scone was all hot no wonder and there I was being the mother breathing dragon trying to sook the life out of the gas and air machine LOL. Baby daddy took over holding me up mid needle and before you know it I was laid back feeling like I was sunning it up on some yacht.

Epidural HIGHLY RECOMMEND. After my experience I needed to NOT feel what was happening and I needed a break. From 3AM - 7AM was total bliss. We had all the laughs with the midwife, we drank the most amazing diluted orange juice, had some naps, baby daddy even had a kip on the floor. I was obviously hilarious on drugs as are most mothers to be. The main thing I can remember at this point was having the sudden realisation that OMG this is what it feels like PRE LABOUR it's bliss. It's exactly like that feeling you get when you have a blocked nose and you totally regret not appreciating your non blocked nose more. Except like way worse and it's life or death here. I can even remember thinking I can't wait to tell everyone how amazing labour is and I'm going to push him out and it's going to be so beautiful. 

I get checked again which I couldn't feel (i love these drugs). She lets me know I'm now 9cm SHIT that means I'm good to go soon and push at 10cm ae? She said she will get me pushing for 9am. How exciting I thought? At this point I demanded my mum pass me my makeup bag HAHA I 100% looked like shit. I had been through it all so you can imagine. In my drugged up state I had every reason to make myself attempt to look lovely, after all I was meeting my beautiful boy. 

The midwife told me to start pushing omg I'm so excited. WAIT what the fuck is that. OH NO. The epidural suddenly wore off and everything hit the fan. WAIT WAIT I CAN FEEL EVERYTHING SHIT THIS HURTS. I wasn't allowed any more drugs and this was it. The pain is immense and I actually can't believe mothers are here to tell the tale afterwards. Holy shit mamas around the world are actual gods. It's unbelievable to think what we all went through to get our amazing treasures at the end. Anyway back to the pain. I was pushing for a long time legs in the air the lot. I didn't seem to be getting anywhere and I was trying my best. What was I doing wrong? Why couldn't I get him out? The next thing I remember several serious looking people ran into the room at which point I looked at my beautiful baby daddy and we had the fear they were going to take me for a section. The main midwife boss lady got all up in my face telling me if I don't push now they will need to intervene. BOSS LADY I AM TRYING. Still no luck at this point I honestly thought I can't do it. Obviously I was exhausted but it was so hard. Someone started waving a form in my face asking me to sign my life away. I mean surely you should do that earlier not right when I'm trying to push a watermelon out. I'm sure it was to give my consent for them to take me into theatre but it was really bad timing.

After pushing for 2 hours and what felt like an eternity they took me into theatre. I was told they were going to give me the good stuff (stronger drugs) as I was shitting it at this point. I was told forceps and being cut is how they are getting him out and so be it. My mum held my hand and she got me through the next few minutes. The room was packed full of people and I kept trying to make everyone laugh, god knows why. I was quite out of it by this point.

After a few pushes (I couldn't feel a thing by this point) our son was born. My little boo who I've been carrying for 9 months was out.  He was whisked away before I even got to see his face. Whilst in and out of consciousness and about 30 mins later he was brought into me by my mum. I looked across into his incubator and smiled with pride. There you are my beautiful boy. I was taken into the post theatre room and in comes baby daddy, my mum and my baby boy. The tears and feels were immense. We were numb, humble and in love. There really is no greater feeling. The silence that was to follow was really something else. The room was filled with utter disbelieve. He is finally here. The person we made is here. Half of me and half of my best friend is lying on my chest. Life now makes sense. This is what we are made for and we are the lucky ones. He is what love is all about. 

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