12 August 2014

Behind THAT mental health post

Writing a blog post when your angry may or may not be a good idea. As I'm not typically the angry type, it has however gave me some drive to write. I'm angry because there seems to be an increasingly amount of idiots on Facebook. Idiots who want to go out there way to be very offensive and insensitive to anyone dealing with a mental health illness. This comes after the very sad news that Robin Williams tragically took his own life. This sparked of course a huge wave of tributes online for the inspirational star. Then came the comments of the less educated and ill-informed. It was so sad to read. There is alot of people who feel so strong about raising awareness. It surprises me STILL if someone hasn't been through it then they completely disregard it. Heartbreaking. Rest in peace Robin Williams.


After writing my previous post on '41 things that happen when dealing with a mental health illness' I have had a huge confident boost. Not the type of confident boost where I suddenly want to get my tits out. The type of boost where I want to write/talk/campaign about mental health so all the fuckwits in the world can finally be educated in mental health.

The lead up to me writing the post was a strange one. I done the whole should I shouldn't I? which I know a lot of bloggers face. Not only is writing about mental health extremely personal but it's almost putting it into real life. It's there in black in white, In writing and so then it must be true! Of course dealing with a mental health illness myself, your almost then accepting that it's true. It must be true if it's on the internet. You can't hide away from it like you try and do in your head. You can't put that pretend smile on because it's easier. No it's on the internet,  your feelings and your thoughts. 

 I do think to myself, I should have spent more time on the post. I never covered even half of what we have to deal with! Then I remembered "right coco no-one wants to read a 4,000 page blog either". It was an extremely compulsive written post. I woke up one morning last week with a super stressful day ahead of me and I just had all these ideas flowing. They always say that's the best time to write!.

 I was on my way to a work meeting to discuss my mental health. Which meant I went into overdrive. With thought's racing like - "Of course they are going to be judgmental", "I will have to justify myself", "They won't understand". AND was I right? of course I was. The problem with work places is they have extreme pressures from up the line to make sure every box is ticked. Which then leads them to asking questions to people like me (who is at the worst of their illness) things like - "Well how long does therapy take to make you better?" and " How long before they tablets kick in?". To the average person this might not sound bad at all. Almost like what are you fussing about? To the people who have been at the front line of dealing with mental health problems will LAUGH. Laugh at the fact it is the most absurd and stupid things you could ever ask. How the fuck do we know? Cause I can sure as hell tell you that the doctor won't know. If the doc don't know then what chance do I have?

The amazing response I had from girls and guys all over the internet was incredible. When I started to read the messages, I was filled with tears. Tears of relief. It is so easy to forget your not alone. OVB we aren't alone! There are billions of us in the world, so why would we even think that!? It's not us that's thinking it though, it's our illness. Our illness blinds us of reality and can consume us more than you could ever imagine. 

I had messages from people I know and don't know , thanking me for sharing such a raw and personal post. Baring your soul in your writing is not only honest but it's true and that's why people can relate to it. Your not hiding anything or making thing's up. I'm not trying to be someone else nor be that person that's looking for attention. I want to be that person who represents us. The messages were filled with love and support. From people suffering from depression, anxiety, OCD, BPD and many more they have reached out to me thanking me for the support. 

To be really honest it got me thinking... It's clear that some of us obviously do want to speak about it and some of us don't. Some of the girls who contacted me were so open and almost comfortable speaking about it which I wish more people could do. Someone stopped me when I was out for lunch and said she herself was suffering from OCD and she loved my post. I was so touched that she even came up to me!

There's something missing. Is it support? encouragement? understanding? so many things and so many questions I have which I'm sure we all have. How could help? Is there anything else I could do? I really want to maybe start writing a mental health related post at least once a month. Do you think that's a good idea? Do people want to read what I have to say? You tell me, I honestly don't know. 

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who had taken the time to contact me and make me feel like it was ok to speak about it. 
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